Does that answer your quesiton Coach?

My first week was a huge success!!  

I am down 4.6 lbs my first week!! 

I feel soo much better!! 

I have not had a 5 hour shot in weeks.  I go to bed  at a decent hour, and wake up really early.  And still feel like I have a ton of energy!!  Not only that, I don't feel hungry, but I also don't feel FULL!!  You know that feeling, when you are so full you wish you could make yourself throw up??  I don't miss that feeling at all.  

In Fact:  I am learning to enjoy the feeling of wanting to throw up after a kick ass workout!!  I know, crazy, but it tells me I am working out hard!!

My second week is almost up...super anxious to see how I do.
For once in my life, I am not afraid of the scale.  Sometimes I even weigh myself at night just for shits and giggles.  It is awesome to weigh in at the end of the day and I am still lighter then I was when I started the program!



Coach Kim gave us an assignment this week................She wants us to tell her why we have chosen to do ETB. (Earn That Body)
This is such a tough question in so many ways!!  Mainly because it makes me really dig deep and show that I am vulnerable.  And as most people that know me know, I put up a super tough front!!  And it is so hard for me to show that I am vulnerable and weak when it comes to some things!!

So I guess if I am going to blog my journey, I should share this assignment!!

But I think Kim should have asked.........

~Why do you want to get strong?
~Why do you want to get healthy?
~Why do you want to live a longer life?
~Why do you want to be around to watch your children grow?
~Why do you want to run and play with your children?
~Why don't you want to sit on the sidelines?
~Why do you want to grow old with your husband?
~Why do you want to walk in a store and buy clothes off the rack?
~Why do you want to be comfortable in your clothes?
~Why do you want people to look at you and think, "Wow, she is fit and
    hot!"
~Why don't you like people saying, "Yes Sir", ughh... "I'm sorry, Mam!"
~Why do you want to look in the mirror and like what you see?
~Why do you want to be proud of yourself?
~Why do you want your children to be proud of you and that you are
   their Strong Mom?

Does that answer your question Kim??

Thanks Kim, I was in such an amazing place, moving forward!  Now I have to go back and rehash all the bullshit I have dealt with my entire life.
At 39, I thought I was able to look forward and not back!!
But I will earn my point for doing this assignment!!

Let's see..........the day I came out of my mother at 10lbs 1oz, my mom told everyone, "I (she) feel like I have been hit by a Mack truck!"...........Is that my fault?

STRIKE 1

Growing up, I was always the tallest and biggest kid in my class, Male or Female and would get teased everyday at school.  I learned to deal with that.  But when a family member told me I looked like a Man..............

STRIKE 2

Often, as I walk down the street or in a mall, I hear both men and women make comments as they pass...."Is that a guy or a girl?", "Is she on Steroids?", "Dude, did you see the size of that Chick?"............

STRIKE 3

I'M OUT!!!

 

Seems I have had the cards stacked against me from day one.

A lot of times, I would go along with it, make jokes about it and laugh it off!!  But I would get home and just cry.  Even at my lightest weight, I am a big girl!!  So what am I supposed to do about it.  

And shopping, again, anyone that knows me, knows I hate shopping for clothes!!  Why??  Because I always leave crying, upset, angry, mad, sad, disappointed, frustrated and so many other feelings.  Clothes have never fit me right.  So I just avoid it.  If I find something that fits, I buy it in every color!!

 

The Mirror!!  Really???  What's to like when I look in it?  I would get dressed to go somewhere, look in the mirror, and just start crying!!  I want to look in the mirror and smile, like what I see, and FEEL good about what I see!!

Enough about my sob, sad, pitiful life as a large person.......

I figure, if I am going to be big, I want to be ripped!!  Not just big, but strong!!  I want my husband to look at me and get excited with what he sees.  My kids to have the only mom running around with them at the park!!  I want the sales people at the clothing stores to run up to me and ask to help me find something and to style me, not think, "Nice try lady, better head down the mall to the "Big Girl" store!"

And most of all, I want to be proud of myself!! 

I want to look in the mirror and smile :)

Next time I am walking down the mall and I hear those comments, I want to flex my arms and say, "WELCOME TO THE GUN SHOW!"

 

So Kim, bring on more questions.......

I am learning that I can do whatever I put my mind to!!  That I am the only one that can make changes!!  I have never been in the Army, but I can still be all I can be!!  

And I want to be strong, fit, healthy, fun, happy, sexy, vulnerable and your best after picture in your program history!!

So bring it!!

Control........

Well, it has been a while since I blogged, so I should probably catch you up!!
On Monday, Aug 15th, I started the amazing Earn That Body program with Kim!!
Stats.....

 

There it is......My before pics!!  I know , scary!!  And to me, really sad and disappointing as well!!  The worst shape of my life!!  Ughhh, makes me want to cry every time I see the pictures!!

Rest of stats.....

Starting weight....240.9 lbs

Goal weight...........190 lbs

Chest....47"

Waist..44"

Hips...46

R Thigh..28 1/2

R Upper Arm..16"

R Calf..17 1/2

Neck..15 1/2

Ohhhhhhh, The Sad Truth!!

But since starting on Monday the 15th, I have not strayed from the program at all.  And I feel like I have sooo much more energy, I'm full all the time and I love my food.  I wonder every time I eat, why haven't I always eaten this way??

My husband must love all the new flavors and not the same old boring, fattening food I normally cook!!

And my workouts, I actually did a run workout, made it thru it, and I am afraid for Kim to find out, but ......I liked it!!! 

Today was, what I thought, was going to be the hardest day of my first week.  But it wasn't :) !!  It was easy....I just brought my cooler, filled with whole, clean food!!

I also brought a huge jug of water. (I love water, hence my nick name as a child was "Thirsty")

I didn't give the cake and cupcakes a thought.  I must admit, I did think about the yummy cookies my cousin makes!!  But quickly remembered what some of my ETB Sisters reminded me of this morning...."The taste only lasts a few seconds, but the guilt and the yuckkky feeling after lasts much longer!!    So it was easy to walk away.  

BUT THEN............................THE PINATA....................UGHHHHHH!!  

So this is how it went down..........

Brody is the first to get a whack at the brightly colored Clown Pinata!! And whack it he did!!  As the other kids abused this poor clown that was stuffed with tons of chocolate, caramel, peanut butter, hard candy, crispies, and all my other favorites...sorry, started day dreaming............

Brody and I went to sit with my cousin Anthony, who was in charge of the up, down pinata.  He reached into his secret stash and put a huge hand full of candy in Brody's brown bag!!!   Then when the poor clowns head was decapitated, there was candy everywhere.  And Brody was right in the thick if it to fill his brown bag to the top!! 

Brody had a few of his M&M's.  I was fine. 
But then we left, got in the car and were on our way to our next stop.........
Brody's brown bag is sitting in the center console of my car.  I looked down to my right, and there it is.......Sugar Satan!!  A whole bag of it!!  And I can smell all of SS's sweet aroma!!  (Sugar is my favorite, I used to eat a candy bar everyday!)  And this is the conversation that happened between the bag and me....

The Bag: C'mon Annalise, just open the bag

Me: No, I am doing so good!!

The Bag: No one will know

Me: Kim could be watching me right now, NO!!

The Bag: She is thousands of miles away in Texas

Me: She will know!!!

The Bag: Mmmmmmm, yummy Chocolate, Creamy caramel, crunchy nuts...You know you want some.

Me: I know I want some really bad!!

The Bag: Then just do it!!  

Me: No, I am strong, I can do this

The Bag: No you aren't, you are weak, that is what has gotten you into this situation in the first place!!

Me: You're right, me being weak, IS what got me into this situation in the first place!!  So NO THANK YOU!!  I am strong, worth a life of health and self confidence, so again, NO THANK YOU!!  And by the way, who cares if Kim knows.....I will know!!

And when we arrived at Lucas' school to pick him up, I took out two small bags of M&M's to let the boys eat after dinner as a treat, and had Brody give his brown bag of "Sugar Satan" to the teachers at Lucas' school.  

I was free, proud and felt like doing a flex session right there in Lucas' school.  I was so proud of myself.  I wanted to call someone to tell them, but no one I know could really understand the internal fight and torment I just survived.  

Changes are really happening!  And they feel sooo good!!