Have you ever gotten dressed, looked in the mirror and thought, "I don't look half bad"? Then later you see a reflection of yourself in a store window or mirror and can't believe how you look?? You wonder what was wrong with your mirror at home that you thought you looked ok?? Even worse is when you go out and think, "Man, I look skinny and Hottt!!", then you later see a picture of yourself and wonder who let you out of the house with that outfit on and how on earth did you think you looked even half way decent?? Ughhhhh!! So frustrating!
Yesterday, my family and I went to the outdoor mall so my daughter could get some last minute things before she goes off to college. While she was shopping and my husband and one of my sons were looking in a store, I sat down on a bench outside so my youngest could run around and get out some energy. Everything was fine........until I looked up in the window in front of us and saw my reflection.
Tears filled my eyes and I just wanted to run and hide. I was so embarrassed.
"My kids must be soooo ashamed to have to walk with me, my husband must be so embarrassed to have me as a wife." These are all the thoughts running through my head. Although I know my kids don't judge me, or anyone else for that matter, and my husband loves me no matter what, I still had all these feelings.
And yet, we went to dinner after and did I order anything healthy?? No, I drowned my self pitty in a BBQ, Bacon hamburger with fries. Really, Why can't I figure this out?? Am I the only one that drowns my sorrows in food?? This is part of the reason I am in the awful place I am right now!!
You're definitely NOT the only person to turn to a bacon cheeseburger for comfort. Been there. Still trying to just say I've done that! But with Kim's help (and a lot of help from Geneen Roth- if you haven't read her, please check her out!), it's getting better and easier to live in the world and FEEL my feelings instead of eating them!
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