Sabotage!!

Yes Sabotage,  it is what I do to my self every time I decide I am done being unhealthy and ready to start a new healthy life.  I don't think it is right to be reading the amazing magazine "Clean Eating" while eating chips and cheese??  Kind of like when I used to watch "The Biggest Loser" while eating a bowl of ice cream. 

I still don't understand why I do this to myself.  It is like I am afraid that I am going to miss the crap that I am no longer going to poison my body with.  I know how bad it is and I still think I am going to miss it.  I just wish there was a reset button on my head that reset my likes and dislikes.

Fish, I want soo badly to like fish.  But even the smell makes me gag.  Yet, I know the amazing benefits of fish and yet, can't manage to get it down.  Any suggestions on how to reprogram my brain to fish??

What I am not going to miss, is the discomfort I am feeling right now.  I am the heaviest I have ever been.  So scary that I have let myself get to this point.
I am tired, I am breathing heavier, I can't get comfortable when I lay down.  I feel like breathing gets even tougher when I lay down.  It sucks.  And I hate it.

I am looking forward to getting started on Aug 15, but I think I should start today !!!